The secret to a happy heart
I want to talk to you about one of the most important tools we have in our lives for creating enduring, juicy and authentic happiness. And that's forgiveness.
The Law Of Attraction says “ask and it is given” or “you get what you think about”. So of course, we all want to think about positive things right?!
The premise is that if you feel good, your heart is happy, your good vibe makes you compatible for the good things to manifest.
Many of us had our grandparents and parents tell us to “look at the bright side,” “see the silver lining,” and keep our “chins up”. We may have heard: “It is not what happens to us that matters; it’s how we react to it”—and no matter what your beliefs, that’s the truth.
At a minimum, choosing to think of life from a positive perspective will make you feel better, and that is, after all, what we all want. If you feel good and see possibility instead of limitation, you are more likely to notice opportunities when they present themselves (like when your lover comes up behind you and kisses your neck whilst you're at the kitchen sink, wink, wink). Additionally, you will be in a healthier mental state, making you better able to take appropriate action toward your desired opportunities.
Famous holocaust survivor Victor E. Frankl says...
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.
In fact he also stated that even in those horrific circumstances you could still find positive emotions and that once a person lost hope that at that point he knew that they would not live much longer. This is a man who exemplifies the act of forgiveness and getting over oneself in order to move forward in acceptance and pro-activity.
We're all good people at heart, but we're also people that sometimes hold onto old resentments, hurts and caustic judgments - often complaining about them, if not to our partner, then silently at least. These grudges energetically lock our ability to enjoy life, cultivate happiness and seriously incredible experiences of love in our lives.
This is why I want to talk to you about one of the most important tools we have in our lives for creating enduring, juicy and authentic happiness. And that's forgiveness.
I want you to imagine for a moment what it would be like if you finally let go of that anger you had towards your father, mother, or a step parent, or what would it feel like to be able to run into your ex and not feel your blood pressure rising or feel like you want to run and hide? Or what would it be like to have the person who abused you in the past sitting right in front of you and being able to send them compassion and forgiveness?
That would be remarkable, right? Well, this is not a pipe dream. This is possible, and not only have we accomplished this in our own lives, but others have too who have endured unbelievable circumstances in their lives. Like our man Victor E. Frankl.
Truly, it doesn't matter what the circumstances are. The process is basically the same. I don't know about you, but for me it was the hardest inner work I had engaged in, but so worth putting the time into finally acknowledging and healing all the issues that were holding me back from my happiness.
The secret to a happy heart is forgiving yourself!
Here is one of my favorite sayings...
“Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It frees you from the past, past experiences, and past relationships. It allows you to live in the present time. When you forgive yourself and forgive others, you are indeed free.” - Unknown
Webster’s Dictionary defines forgiveness this way:
“To give up resentment against; stop being angry with; pardon; give up all claim to punish; overlook; cancel a debt.”
Therefore, forgiveness is releasing the feeling that the other person owes us something. What happens when that debt is never paid or forgiven? Do we just carry it with us for the rest of our lives? Many times we do! Who is it truly hurting? Us or them? Us.
When we release that feeling, we are freeing ourselves from the baggage that we carry.
You may believe that forgiveness is challenging, but when you understand who it is truly for—you—then it becomes easier.
When you practice forgiveness you will feel empowered.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Many people do not forgive because they have a misperception about what forgiveness truly is.
Therefore, let’s go over some of the things forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is NOT: Reconciliation with the person.
Forgiveness is NOT: Living in denial about a person’s action(s) and pretending something did not happen.
Forgiveness is NOT: Allowing the person to do the same behavior over and over again.
Forgiveness is NOT: Having no consequence for a behavior.
Forgiveness is NOT: Having the pain magically go away. The pain may take a long time to heal (although it often does go away).
Forgiving ourselves is the most important part of forgiveness. Take a moment to reflect on your actions in the past that you may regret. Grab your journal and write this stuff out, knowing that your heart will be given a chance for a happier experience after you do.
Are there any mistakes you have made that you continue to beat yourself up for?
How are you punishing yourself for this?
Are you directly or indirectly punishing your partner for any part of it? Your guilt is not going to undo what has happened. Even more importantly, holding onto this pain is causing further pain in your life. It is okay to let it go now. Release yourself from the burden of carrying it with you.
Finish this sentence..."I forgive myself for...."
Forgiving a Significant Other
The second step to forgiveness is to give your partner the same gift you just gave yourself. Harboring resentment toward your partner, creates walls between you. It makes true intimacy impossible. It keeps the love that you desire, from flowing to you and from you. Most importantly, holding onto resentment for a past injustice will not undo the experience and does nothing today but cause you pain and deteriorate your relationship. It is okay to let it go now. Release yourself and your partner from the pain of holding onto it.
Finish this sentence..."I would like to release myself from and forgive my partner for..."
Lastly, make a list of other people you need to forgive and what you want to forgive them for. Forgiveness is about personal power. A life well lived is your best revenge; therefore take your power back and focus on your desires. Don’t do it because, “You’ll show them,” do it because you want to live your life with freedom and passion. Forgiveness is often an opportunity to learn, grow, and heal. We may even find that the negative experiences were blessings in disguise if we can create a place for forgiveness and acceptance in our hearts. Remember forgiveness is 100 percent your responsibility!
Complete this sentence as many times as you need..."I would like to release myself from this [insert your emotional state or experience i.e pain, burden, guilt, shame, blame] and forgive the person/people involved."
Check in with your heart
Notice how you are breathing after this journaling exercise. Name the sensation that you feel. Tune into how your body is responding. Simply observe and invite a lighter or broader perspective to the situations and relationships that have come to your attention at this time.
Allow your heart to be heard and seen. Give your heart permission to voice anything else that is rising up. Be sure to reach out to a support person or professional if you need a safe space to do so.
I invite you to connect with me if you feel called to explore what is coming up for you and you trust that my loving guidance is what you want and need.
Shine on & keep doing you,,